Rocking the boat is not usually a pleasant experience. It comes with doubt, fear, and loads of resistance. Resistance from within ourselves as well as from people around us. What do I mean by rocking the boat?
Rocking the boat is choosing to transform or bring about change within yourself that has a potentially destabilizing effect upon your relationship systems. This could be within your family system or a friendship circle or your workplace. When we leave behaviors or character traits behind that no longer serve us, it can be upsetting to others.
This may seem strange because positive change should always receive support and applause, right?
Not necessarily so. If the changes you are making deviate from what is normal and comfortable, even if it creates unhealthy relationships and behavior patterns, people will be upset. They will be upset because your change is shedding light on what they could face and transform. It is uncomfortable and vulnerable for each person, including yourself.
It’s important to have tools in place to support you when the resistance pushes or pulls so hard that you want to give up creating new ways of being for old, comfortable patterns. When the resistance becomes overwhelming, try the following:
1. Recognize the comfort of NOT changing. People resist change because it is uncomfortable and the results are unknown. Fear of what might happen keeps us small too many times to count throughout our lifetimes. Change isn’t supposed to be comfortable. Reassure the people you love that this will bring all of you to a better place and stick to it. Your transformation inspires others and creates momentum for your own journey.
2. Honor the unique path we all must travel. My path can’t be your path because it isn’t unique to you. Everyone has their unique lens through which to see the world as well as how to process the world and change. When we force others to honor our journey or submit to our way, we contribute to the energy of resistance. Instead, try out a mantra that releases everyone, including yourself, to their own unique process and way of being. Possible mantras might be: I honor the journey, I am right where I need to be, or I bless her on her journey.
3. If needed, find a new boat or rearrange the seating in your boat. Not everyone is meant to go forward with you. Some people are in your life for a season. Some people are life long journey partners. It’s important to recognize who gets to sit near you, who benefits from sitting a bit further away, and who might need to transfer to a new boat. We don’t owe everyone our vulnerability or the intimacy of our hearts.
Check out this FREE RESOURCE to support you in seeing your circles of relationship and who you give what access to you and why in a new light.